Single late in life, Uncategorized

Becoming single late in life, where I’ve been and what I’ve learned.

Good afternoon faithful followers, how are you? I hope you’re all doing well and while I apologize for the lack of writings, I also don’t. Please read on.

As most of you know, my life fell apart last year. While I won’t dwell on that, getting to where I am today was anything, but easy. I thought I’d share a few of the things I’ve learned along the way.

#1 Sometimes Trish is Wrong.

We all have a “Trish”. Mine is on my mind today because I get to see her in a few days. She is my best friend. The one person I can count on to love me from my saintly days to my sinful days and everything in between. Sometimes she knows me better than I know myself, but sometimes, Trish is wrong. Ok, maybe just once. Anyway, I remember Trish telling me I was going to fall in love sooo fast. That the first person who wasn’t a total douche was going to run away with my heart and I’d soon be broken again. Well, that didn’t happen.

It didn’t happen because I became single when I was 38 years old. I already knew me, I’d only lost things I thought were me. This “do-over” was a chance for me to be picky. A chance for me to size everyone and everything up. What I wanted, what I could settle for, and what I wouldn’t. And that’s how I looked at things on my journey to become ok. Then the old me stepped up and asked why “ok” was good enough… It wasn’t.

#2 Know You, Do You, Be You

Ladies, this one is really quite simple. This one comes from my girlfriend, Becky. ‘When you become single after already building your life, it gives you a chance to find that person who really fits.’

It’s important that when you bring that potential person in, you show them exactly who you are. Don’t be afraid, this could be your next long term thing. You’re a dork like me who likes rocks? Show them rocks! More importantly, if your potential partner doesn’t like rocks, you have the freedom to decide just how important those rocks are to you. Chances are, if you took the time to show them off, they’re probably pretty darn important! Remember that!!

#3 Not Everyone is Your Ex, Avoid Dating Sites

Unless of course your ex was a total sex-crazed creep, then by all means.

Mine wasn’t. Obviously, we had our issues, but he has big shoes to fill in some departments. Not to mention, “dating” today isn’t what it used to be. My husband was a wonderful man. He opened the door for me. He met my mother. He didn’t get to know me by sending me a dick pic and wanting a return pic of my hoo-ha.

Dating sites aren’t full of men who want to open doors or even get to know you. It’s unfortunate, really. There are nice guys in the mix, but they are few and far between. I did meet a very nice man named Ed. He wasn’t all about sex. He hiked, he has a family. We met just about the time I started realizing dating sites were not for me. They’re not for him, either. I hope he’s intelligent enough to have figured that out by now.

#4 Take Care of Yourself

Somewhere along my journey of learning to live with anxiety, I came across this quote. “It’s ok if you can only save one person and it’s ok if that person is you.” Nuff said! I could elaborate on what this means to me, but I won’t.

#5 So God Made a Farmer

After everything I’ve been through, I was right with a blog post from some time ago. There IS light! My light’s name is Chris and no, he’s not a farmer.

Throughout my journey, I kept wondering where God was. At times I felt like Job. My friend, Lenny, joked one day that I couldn’t be Job because I didn’t have any livestock. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help wondering what I was going to lose next. Looking back I can say I was gaining something for everything I had lost, but it felt very uneven for a really long time. I cried every day. Sometimes three or four times a day, sometimes all day long.

Chris is a comedian! Go figure! Where was God? Apparently somewhere rewriting Paul Harvey’s poem.

God said, “She needs someone who can make her laugh. Someone who can make her smile from the inside out. Someone who with big strong arms can take her fear away and wrap them around her to make her feel safe… And then fart!” So God made a Chris. 💜

God was right there the whole time!

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“Wanna go see rocks and stuff?”

So, I met a boy…

I have to admit, I think I’m kind of weird. Every time I drag a friend along on one of my adventures, I feel like an awkward pre-teen girl hoping they won’t think I’m as weird as I think I am! I mean, really, who asks that question? “Rocks and stuff…” Rocks and stuff?? Come on! Please silence your inner dork!!

Sometimes I wish I could be that exciting girl who loves places like Las Vegas and wildness and crazy loud bars and some sort of something that could keep a man on the edge of his seat, but no. I have wild and crazy nights reading about “rocks and stuff”.

Maybe it’s not my fault… Maybe it’s the fault of my grandparents who spent their Friday nights watching people. Excuse me, what???  Yes!! “We’d go up on the square and park and just watch people.” “Watch them do what? Did you ever get out? You two just sat there?” “Oh, no. There’d be all kinds of us! Cars parked 4 or 5 deep. It wasn’t just us.” Apparently this was a thing in the big town of Winchester. I still haven’t figured out exactly what they were watching, but my grandma’s “wanna go watch people” has to be somehow related to my “wanna go see rocks and stuff”.

That’s weird to me, but how cool that they were weird together. That’s what I want. Somebody who accepts my weirdness.

We’re going to spend the day together soon and I know that, although I am a calm, cool, collected 38, at some point, that phrase is going to be on the tip of my tongue and I’ll suddenly become 12! An awkward girl just hoping he doesn’t think I’m as weird as I think I am.

 

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Garden of the Gods, Illinois… I love you!

I recently shared with a friend that it’s where I find my center. Sitting there on the edge or on top of a rock looking out over the world, somehow calms me. Perhaps it’s because they aren’t going anywhere and practically everything else has. In that moment, even if for just a moment, my troubles are overshadowed by their will to stand. I think of the storms they’ve withstood, the bitter cold, the raging sun. How they’ve adapted, yet stayed their beautiful selves…

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The Broken Fence

There’s a broken section of a fence up the road from me. I bet I’ve driven by it 1,000 times. While I’ve noticed it, I’ve never had the desire to stop and fix it or to care how it got broken. I just know it is… and that it’s beautiful!

Sure, I could go to Home Depot and get the stuff to fix it, but then it would be like every other section. It wouldn’t stand out, it would be ordinary, you would never know it’s ability to stand there being visibly broken.

People have told me to smile through my tears, to hide my pain and keep it to myself. While they’re saying that, they’re also saying to be strong.

I don’t think strength is about hiding, I think strength is showing your brokenness. I think strength is showing the world that while you may be falling apart, you’re still standing… That you’re still holding your own even with your broken planks.

Maybe, just maybe, if you stick it out, you’ll have some Morning Glories come beautify your life like that old fence has. Had the plank never fallen, they’d have no place to climb! If there’s no connection between the broken board and the beauty that found it, then how come they’re not climbing on one of the unbroken sections?

Think about that!

Every pain has a purpose. It’s ok to not be ok, just don’t give up!!

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May the light find us!

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The sun comes up over an Illinois cornfield casting it’s light on every leaf, individually. Funny how a cornfield is seen as just that… a field. It’s seen as one thing rather than many individual plants, but the sun doesn’t see it that way. The sun illuminates every single plant! I hope wherever you are, the sun finds you and shines on you and shows your worth to the world. Even if it’s rarely seen by others, I hope you can see it. We’re often told when going through hard times that we’re a part of a bigger picture. While truthful, it’s easy to feel as if our feelings aren’t justifiable, like we’re forced to put ourselves aside. We’re taught to pass over hurtful times because our loving God knows more than us and what’s better for us and that the hurt is part of a lesson or saving us from future hurt. Personally, I’m caught up in learning that while wanting to scream, “Hey, remember me???”. The light will find me, I know it!! I pray it finds you, as well.

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