Single late in life, Uncategorized

Becoming single late in life, where I’ve been and what I’ve learned.

Good afternoon faithful followers, how are you? I hope you’re all doing well and while I apologize for the lack of writings, I also don’t. Please read on.

As most of you know, my life fell apart last year. While I won’t dwell on that, getting to where I am today was anything, but easy. I thought I’d share a few of the things I’ve learned along the way.

#1 Sometimes Trish is Wrong.

We all have a “Trish”. Mine is on my mind today because I get to see her in a few days. She is my best friend. The one person I can count on to love me from my saintly days to my sinful days and everything in between. Sometimes she knows me better than I know myself, but sometimes, Trish is wrong. Ok, maybe just once. Anyway, I remember Trish telling me I was going to fall in love sooo fast. That the first person who wasn’t a total douche was going to run away with my heart and I’d soon be broken again. Well, that didn’t happen.

It didn’t happen because I became single when I was 38 years old. I already knew me, I’d only lost things I thought were me. This “do-over” was a chance for me to be picky. A chance for me to size everyone and everything up. What I wanted, what I could settle for, and what I wouldn’t. And that’s how I looked at things on my journey to become ok. Then the old me stepped up and asked why “ok” was good enough… It wasn’t.

#2 Know You, Do You, Be You

Ladies, this one is really quite simple. This one comes from my girlfriend, Becky. ‘When you become single after already building your life, it gives you a chance to find that person who really fits.’

It’s important that when you bring that potential person in, you show them exactly who you are. Don’t be afraid, this could be your next long term thing. You’re a dork like me who likes rocks? Show them rocks! More importantly, if your potential partner doesn’t like rocks, you have the freedom to decide just how important those rocks are to you. Chances are, if you took the time to show them off, they’re probably pretty darn important! Remember that!!

#3 Not Everyone is Your Ex, Avoid Dating Sites

Unless of course your ex was a total sex-crazed creep, then by all means.

Mine wasn’t. Obviously, we had our issues, but he has big shoes to fill in some departments. Not to mention, “dating” today isn’t what it used to be. My husband was a wonderful man. He opened the door for me. He met my mother. He didn’t get to know me by sending me a dick pic and wanting a return pic of my hoo-ha.

Dating sites aren’t full of men who want to open doors or even get to know you. It’s unfortunate, really. There are nice guys in the mix, but they are few and far between. I did meet a very nice man named Ed. He wasn’t all about sex. He hiked, he has a family. We met just about the time I started realizing dating sites were not for me. They’re not for him, either. I hope he’s intelligent enough to have figured that out by now.

#4 Take Care of Yourself

Somewhere along my journey of learning to live with anxiety, I came across this quote. “It’s ok if you can only save one person and it’s ok if that person is you.” Nuff said! I could elaborate on what this means to me, but I won’t.

#5 So God Made a Farmer

After everything I’ve been through, I was right with a blog post from some time ago. There IS light! My light’s name is Chris and no, he’s not a farmer.

Throughout my journey, I kept wondering where God was. At times I felt like Job. My friend, Lenny, joked one day that I couldn’t be Job because I didn’t have any livestock. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help wondering what I was going to lose next. Looking back I can say I was gaining something for everything I had lost, but it felt very uneven for a really long time. I cried every day. Sometimes three or four times a day, sometimes all day long.

Chris is a comedian! Go figure! Where was God? Apparently somewhere rewriting Paul Harvey’s poem.

God said, “She needs someone who can make her laugh. Someone who can make her smile from the inside out. Someone who with big strong arms can take her fear away and wrap them around her to make her feel safe… And then fart!” So God made a Chris. 💜

God was right there the whole time!

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